Losing You!

 

At times I want to cherish the moments spent with you

At times I want you to just get off my mind

Because thinking about you leaves me devastated

Yes, Memories of someone we have lost can be so unkind

At times I want to tell others how wonderful you were

And thank the Lord for blessing us with you

At times I want to never trust in His existence again

And for wronging my little angel, castigating myself too

At times I want you to come in my dreams

So that I can feel you again, together some time we can spend

There are times when I want you back in my life in any form

At times I just want you to be happy wherever you are my friend

I want to run away from the pain and ‘what ifs’

So helpless and weak from inside I feel

This is something I can’t do anything about

‘Losing You’ is a wound that will never heal…

Yours Honestly

‘Honesty is the best policy’ is a time tested adage. What exactly honesty is? If honesty is doing one’s work with utmost sincerity, not indulging in any sort of double dealing, maintaining loyalty in relationships and always telling the truth then yes, I am honest to the core.

But if honesty includes unanimity of the tongue and the mind then I have second thoughts about my integrity. Let me explain my point with some examples.

At office when I am overwhelmed with work and my boss comes out with a trivial work that can be happily postponed for tomorrow all I exclaim is - sure sir. What I want to say is ‘Hey have you ever heard about a thing called priority? Of course you haven’t otherwise you would never have brought such a piece of crap to my desk.

Sometimes when the computer breaks down or the electricity goes out in the middle of something I just let out a sigh and express my helplessness in a ladylike manner. Thank heavens nobody hears me mutter the cuss words that are my spontaneous reaction to the situation.

Once I was dining out with my colleagues when one of them complained about me not talking enough. I had to say something in my defence so I admitted coyly I am an introvert. Though I wanted to tell what was going inside my head- Who the hell wants to get involved in such boring discussions with you?  

Don’t expect me to giggle on silly topics or backbite about other people or whine about why everything wrong happens with us. Raise the level of your conversations girl.

 Many a times when one of my friends comments on my weight, especially at a time when I am satisfied with my ongoing diet regime, I feel like slapping her hard. She announces with narcissism disguised as sympathy ‘Vandana you have gained weight!’ The outer me just smiles and says she is right. The inner me retorts: mind your own business if you have any… my dear undisputed Miss Universe. Oh by the way what’s that ugly thing on your head? Was that supposed to be a bun?  Maybe it underwent a mutation.

One thing I despise is long conversations over the telephone and even over chatting on social networking sites. Yes I keep on talking. No! Actually listening to every minute detail of what my friends had for breakfast, lunch & dinner and or what the friends of my friends are planning to do in the forthcoming vacations. I admit that I am at fault here. I should tell my pals straightaway if I am not in a position to talk e.g I cannot tell you whether my husband is romantic when I am sitting in front of an inspecting officer at my workplace.

Hellooww…I am a busy girl and not a babbler like you. It is because of people like you that girls are notorious for being dim-witted chatter boxes.

Last but not the least are the relatives that give so much freedom to their kids that they become intolerable to others. Look, I might say a ‘how cute’ on your face or have a laugh with you when you unapologetically dismiss your child’s unacceptable demeanor as a sweet feature inherited from his father. But one day I might give him a sound thrashing to teach him how to behave in public.

Many times I decide that I will be clear-cut and speak out what I really feel but I let go when I realize that the main reason behind my so called dishonest behavior is not that I am a double faced person but that I do not want to hurt others even if they are stupid and unbearable at times.

MISS YOU

We miss him. We will always miss him. He brought sunshine into our home. In these four years he had become a family member. My sister also tied a ‘rakhi’ on his leg every ‘rakshabandhan’.

We brought him home when he was a few days old. We were not allowed to keep pets but this white bundle of joy could not be refused. We kept him inside a box which he eventually ate up from the sides so that it could accommodate him as he grew up. He was fond of eating. He would eat everything from kurkure to cucumbers.

When we used to sing 'aarti' on Mondays he knew that he would get ‘Prasad’. As soon as we began to sing he would peep from outside and impatiently ask for his share. The only things he didn’t eat were walnuts, fun balls, popcorn and chillies.  He also loved to play in snow and to eat it. We had so much fun walking him. Whenever he found some cricket ball on the walk he would put it in his mouth and bring it back home.

Sometimes when we forced him to go to bed he literally argued with us in his dog dialect.

He looked so innocent when he was sleepy. He was very possessive about his pillow and did not allow us to touch it. We used to appreciate the sweet voice he made while yawning and his cute sleeping postures. This appreciation kept on growing with time.

Scooby would wake up us early in the morning and one of us would take him on a walk. When not in the mood of messing around with the monkeys or local dogs he would neglect them and pretend that he did not see them. When any of us returned in the evening he would greet us as if we were coming home after ages. He would wait for mom as he knew she would bring something to eat for him. He loved it when we gave him a massage or brushed his coat.                  

He was an arrogant dog. He was notorious for biting some neighbors though the fault was not completely his. In his presence no Tom, Dick or Harry dared to enter the vicinity of our house. We felt so secure when Scooby was with us.

He left us last month. He was not keeping well for quite sometime. The doctor told us that his organs have enlarged and he was running fever. He gave him some shots and medicine. It was least expected that he would die. But he left peacefully or at least we  console ourselves  by believing so.

I hate the vet who did not take his illness seriously. I hate the pharmacist who was out of town when we wanted to call him home. I hate people who suggest we get another dog. I hate myself when I think I wanted to make him a typical trained dog while he was perfect the way he was.
But the truth is that hating people or blaming situations won’t bring him back. I try not to think about him and tell myself every day that he is happy wherever he is.

          

       Scooby we all miss you. The house is empty as hell without you.  It kills me from inside when I come home in the evening and don’t find you waiting for me. Nobody can ever replace you in our life.

Give it a Thought

One thing I don't endorse is people exclaiming that things are no longer the way they
used to be in their times.   They may be referring to the prices, the movies,
the quality of music, the gadgets and so on so forth.

What exactly do they mean by 'Their Times'?. Aren't they alive now? C'mon people just because you are not that young now doesn't mean you have lost the right to do what you like.

No rule book says that if you have crossed forty or for that sake 80 your time is left behind. Sure the past makes you nostalgic. Cherishing the past should not stop you from relishing the present. So every time is your time. Your time is now and the time will remain yours till your last breath.

To quote Tom Clancy: 'The good old days are now'

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

'Happy Bithday to You', is perhaps one of the most used phrases of the world like the magical I love You.

                 I have a thing for birthdays and strongly believe that birthdays should be celebrated irrespective of a person's age. I don't understand why some people say that birthdays are meant to be celebrated only in childhood. I pity the people who do not celebrate their birthday. It's a day when someone should be given full attention, appreciation and off course a present. On a birthday, a birthday boy or birthday girl should be given royal treatment. I try to make the birthdays of my near and dear special. I text them and wish them on WhatsApp or Facebook. Text messaging is followed by a phone call, one in the morning to wish them and the second one in the evening to ask them how their special day went by. I make sure that I get a befitting gift/surprise chocolate cake for them. Telling a birthday boy/girl about all the good qualities he or she possesses is mandatory.

          

      My birthdays have always been special. My family and I see to it that they are. When I was a kid my father would bring me a gift the day before my special day. Whole night I would keep fantasizing about and guessing what the wrapped box kept on top shelf of the cupboard contains. Some schools in Shimla gave students the liberty to wear whatever they wanted on their birthdays. But we had to wear our boring school uniform that day also. I hated it when my birthdays came on Sundays. I didn't believe in belated wishes or celebrations. I got all kinds of gifts like cards, pens, bracelets, slam books and quotations from my friends. I had this habit of piling up my gifts and opening them all at a time. Sometimes I would cajole my sister into giving me the gift money instead of the gift so that I could give a better treat to my friends. I used to distribute sweets, candies, sometimes pastries and samosas among my classmates when I was in school. In university also while most of the students shied away from celebrating their birthdays I continued this tradition.

                 
                        Now when I have grown up my siblings are the ones responsible for making my birthdays special. I get two-three surprises on that day regarding which discussion behind closed kitchen doors goes on for days before my special day. Mom takes me to the temple in the morning. My sister prepares a playlist of my favorite songs and plays them whole day on repeat mode, Evening time is party time when we feast on cake, samosas, pepsi, lays, kurkure and rasgullas.

                  

              Birthdays are meant to be special guys. Make them special. Whether it's your birthday or that of a friend or family member celebrate it to the fullest. Tell them how good they have been, pamper them the whole day and yes, don't forget a gift.

                

Memories

A smile comes on the lips,
a tear drops from the eyes.
Whenever heart thinks of those
unwanted truths and innocent lies.
Temporary friendships which have given
permanent, inseparable memories,
Little gossips, small episodes
Now have become much told stories.
Time that can be remembered
Time that can't be respent
Days which came by and went
Why now repent?
Think, create and live an incident
Which in future becomes an unforgettable event.

P.S. I wrote this poem after after our tenth standard farewell

Together

 Together we relish the golden touch;

 the touch of sun rays

 We sit beside the placid lake

 You push me into the water,

 I pull you along

 We skylark together.

 Together we enjoy the falling pearls;

 the pearls of rain

 We get dripped in the essence of love

 You hold my hand & implore for a dance

 I nod and you sway me

 I fall into your arms.

 Together we celebrate the blossom;

 the blossom of flowers

 Passion blooms inside our hearts

 You present me a bouquet of roses,

 kiss my forehead

 Aroma of love spreads all around.

 Together we rejoice the flying feathers;

 the feathers of snow

 A fire is enkindled in our souls

 I cuddle up to you

 You croon me a self-made number

 I fall asleep by your side.

 Together we grow through all seasons;

 the seasons of life

 We promise to be always there;

 to stand by each other through thick and thin

 The nature cradles our relationship

 As we make our love our everything.

PETRICHOR

We have all experienced the sweet scent that arises from the soil after fresh rainfall. Perfumes based on this fragrance are also available in the market. This peculiar odor is known as 'Petrichor'. Have you ever wondered where it comes from? It can be attributed to 'geosmin' , an organic compound produced by actinomycetes. The actinomycetes are soil bacteria that resemble fungi in morphology. Geosmin is also responsible for taste of beet roots.

     So next time when you enjoy 'mitti ki saundhi saundhi khusboo' or have beet root do thank  the actinomycetes.

MY CATS

Ever since I was a kid I was fond of animals. I wanted to keep a pet but neither of my parents permitted me to have one. Me and my siblings were allowed to play with them, 

feed them but never to bring them over for a 'night stay'

Then Cressida happened. And the rest is history.

        

Cressida was a typical grey cat with black patterns all over her body. She visited us only once or twice with her kitten Niknu(christened by my neighbor Nainika). But the three kittens from her next litter came to our house very frequently. We called them Lal Bahadur(The brave one), Gol Matol(The round faced) and Maha darpok(The timid, lanky one). Maha darpok used to remain behind and managed to get only a small share of the food we gave.

She gave off a strange odour. One could sing  the song "Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat , what are they feeding you...for her" I tried to catch her once but she shrieked and scratched my hand.

Lal Bahadur left the area but visited once in a while. She would climb our window and come and sit on my sister's lap while she was studying. Gol Matol died young. Apparently she consumed some poisonous herb.

As time went by Maha darpok opened up with us. She transformed into a wise, mature, full fledged cat. We looked after her and her two generations for almost five years.

In these five years she gave birth to a number of kittens. We tried our best to safeguard the neonates from the  local dogs but they brutally killed most of them. Some of them who survived were Tebetha(Tabby), Chris, David, Camilla, Diana, Misty and Cheetu. My brother had this weird habit of naming every other kitten Cheetu. So we had a new Cheetu every season.

Misty in a playful mood

  
Maha darpok also became a proud granny when Tabby gave birth to Betty. She also fed Betty when Tabby left. 

Maha darpok with her kittens

There was a time when five cats came to us for breakfast, lunch and dinner. When it snowed outside we invited them inside and switched on the electric heater for them. The kittens jumped up and down the chairs, went under the bed. Maha darpok trained her young ones by moving her tail to and fro and they played with it as if it were a mouse.

We also had three black cats. Kalu was a large, sensible tomcat who fought with Lal bahadur and cared for Maha darpok and her kids. Shagun and Chota Kalu were two small black kittens. The former did not get along with any of the cats while the latter managed to befriend our aggressive dog Scooby. Every morning he accompanied me and Scooby on a walk. He was found dead on the stairs one day and buried nearby.

Camilla and Chota Kalu

Betty and Misty

Misty and Betty tried to woo Scooby. Betty left the locality after she found out that Scooby paid more interest to Misty. But once Scooby grabbed Misty and shook her so hard that she left our area for good.

After Scooby came all cats left the neighbourhood one by one. What is left is the sweet essence of the time spent with my furry friends and a scratch on Scooby's muzzle gave to him by Maha darpok.

 

QUOTES ON MEMORIES

• Memories warm you  up from inside. But they also tear you apart - Haruki Murakami

• The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It is the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared -Louis Lowry

• What I like about photographs is that they capture a moment that's gone forever, impossible to reproduce -Karl Lagerfeld

•  Memories are bullets. Some whiz by and only spook you. Others tear you apart and leave you in pieces-  Richard Kadrey

•  Music is powerful;it transforms emotions and experiences into something tangible. Everytime you hear a familiar song, the feelings from it bubble to the surface, bringing back memories you might have otherwise forgotten- Michelle Madow

• Never let your memories be greater than your dreams- Teresa Tuten Author
• I want to fill my mind with life-enhancing, positive, beautiful memories. The dark experiences can remain buried without a funeral - Alexandra Stoddard